When I  think about who I am now verses who I was before RA, it amazes me how I have changed.  I am not speaking of the obvious physical changes but the internal transformation.  I am not the same woman I was before rheumatoid arthritis and I am grateful for it. I like who I am now and who I am is a woman who has RA.  I was not a bad person before rheumatoid arthritis, but I was a very different one.   It has taken me a long time to get to a place of peace with this disease and it didn’t happen overnight .  As I look back on this  journey I want to share the lessons I have learned from rheumatoid arthritis and how I have become a better human being because of this disease.

Would I have learned this lesson without the disease?  I will never know.  What I do know is that for me one of the most important lessons I have learned is one of acceptance.    Accepting each moment as it comes and as it is.  I used to be this person who needed to be in control of every situation.  I tried to plan for every outcome.  I didn’t like or want any surprises. I expended an enormous amount of energy attempting to control every aspect of my life.  Then came RA, something I could not control.

When the disease first took hold of me,  walking was a challenge.  Picking up a cup of coffee, pouring tea, making dinner, getting dressed, tying my shoes, and brushing my teeth and hair caused me so much pain.  The mundane felt like the impossible.  I read everything I could get my hands on and tried to learned all there was to know in an attempt to gain control over the situation. I needed and wanted to fix the problem and move on. 

Eventually I came to the conclusion that instead of struggling to gain control over something I could not, maybe the solution for me is acceptance.  I have been blessed with so many good things in this life and that is where my focus needs to be not on what was and what may never be. In order for me to live a content life, I have to take each moment as it comes.  I have no control over what my body will be capable of at any given time.  I can control how I care for my body and listen to what it needs but that is where it ends. What I may be able to do today, I may not tomorrow. There have been times when I did not appreciate the little bit of mobility I had only to loose all mobility a week later.  If I only focus on what I want my life to be I am missing out on what it is, today, in this moment.  

The times that physically are challenging have given me the oportunity to spend quiet moments with my kids and learn what is important to them.  What their dreams are and what kind of men they want to become. I have the opportunity in those moments of inactivity to be with my family and friends on a level that activity prevents.  These oportunities were there before RA but my focus was different.

I needed to decide if rheumatoid arthritis was going to define me or if I was going to take the challenges that have been given to me and learn from them.  I chose the latter.  I still hold hope for a cure, but I do not focus all my energy on wishing for something that may never happen for me.  So when I have a good day I appreciate it and enjoy all the movement my body will allow. When I am experiencing a bad day I accept that I have done all that I can to be as healthy as I can and listen to my body and be still.