The past 6 months have been somewhat like a bad dream.  I never could never have imagined being sick for this long with so many different ailments.  I can’t help but wonder if all the years on methotrexate had such an effect on my immune system that everything kind of shut down for a while. With all this down time I have had the opportunity to learn somethings about myself.  I thought I would share some of what all this sickness has taught me.

• Trust your instincts. When two of my doctors had conflicting opinions on whether or not I had a second or continuing Lyme infection I should have trusted my instincts.  I could have saved myself valuable time and pain and not have subjected myself to way too many diagnostic tests had I just trusted my gut.  I know my body better than anyone else and I knew that I still had Lyme Disease. I shouldn’t have allowed my rheumatologist to talk me into more tests to prove that her opinion was right when I knew deep down inside all I really needed was another treatment of antibiotics.  When I finally got the antibiotics was when the symptoms went away and I started to feel better.  Lesson learned. Again. I hope this time it sticks.

• I need to nourish my body and my soul. I have always been the one who puts everyone’s needs before mine.  It wasn’t a conscience decision, but none the less other things took priority in my life. Now every day I am slowing down and taking time to do things that nourish my soul.  Things that bring me joy nourish my self. I find that I have more patience and energy for other things after making my self a priority. Before I put anything into my body I am asking myself will it nourish me or fill me.  They are two very different ideas. I have tried to eat responsibly in the past, but I haven’t always looked at what I am putting into my body as nourishment as opposed to something that will fill me up.

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Being an independent person and a bit of a control freak I frequently would rather do something myself than ask for help.  Part of me just didn’t want RA to get the best of me.  I felt like it was a bit of a battle of wills.  I wasn’t going to let RA take over my life completely, I could do most things myself and I hated to ask anyone for help.  Being as sick as I have been, I have had no choice but to ask for help.  There were days when getting out of bed to go to the bathroom was an ordeal.  An extremely painful ordeal.  It was simply impossible not to ask for help with some of the most basic of needs.  I discovered that the world did not end and it was okay if things were not done “my way”.

• A clean is nice but really not all that important. I used to care very much about how clean my house was.  I felt that how my house looked was a reflection on me and how I cared for my family.  I know that sounds a little nutty but that is how I felt.  I really felt like I could not physically do a great many things anymore but I could take care of my family and a clean house was part of that.  Of course now looking back I can see how crazy that whole idea sounds.  My house currently is picked up. No one is going to trip over anything in my house, but it is a far cry from clean and I really don’t care.  I could spend the next few hours cleaning, or I could spend the next few hours playing with Kevin or reading a good book.  Now I choose something that will fill me up instead of depleting my resources.

• Connecting with other people that know and understand what it’s like to have RA is important. Knowing that I am not alone in the day to day challenges that this disease brings has helped me in so many ways.  There is comfort in knowing that there are people out there that completely understand what I am going through.  I am very grateful to all the new friends that I have found here and for their kindness and support.