From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a mother. Like a lot of little girls I used to pretend to be a mommy all the time. It was my fondest wish. My husband and I tried for a very long time (6 years) before we were blessed with the birth of our first son Alexander. And 4 years later again we were again given the joy of another boy, Nathan. And finally 5 1/2 years after Nathan was born we were given another beautiful baby boy, Kevin. All of my children were born before I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis(RA). About 6 months after Kevin was born I started experiencing symptoms of RA. It took another 6 months to get a diagnosis.
I was a mother for 10 1/2 years before I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and I have been a mother with rheumatoid arthritis for 8 years. I was a different mother before RA than I am now. Before rheumatoid arthritis I was able to chase my kids around the yard in a game of tag without thought or care. I cannot do that now. Before RA I was able to race with my kids and tumble and jump and skip rope. It makes me smile when I think of those times with my boys. Now sometimes I need to rest, so I will snuggle with my son and we will read a book out loud that we both enjoy or watch our favorite movie. Or we might just sit and talk about the future and how he is going to make his mark on the world.
I am a different mother with rheumatoid arthritis. Not a better mother, nor a worse one, just a different one. I hope that my having this disease and trying to deal with the ups and downs of it in a positive way will teach my children that no matter what obstacle is in your path you can handle it. And that this obstacle or any other does not define who you are. You make the choice everyday how you are going to deal with the challenges that life puts in your path. And how you do that defines the type of human being you become. I hope they have learned that every challenge gives you the opportunity to grow as a human being. And I hope that they will look at someone with a disability with compassion and treat them with dignity because they understand what it means when your body fails.
As a mother I could not be more proud of my boys. They are compassionate and kind; each one is his own person. All three boys have a great many gifts to share with the world. They have in their own way made this world a better place by simply by being part of it as uniquely themselves. That on this Mother’s Day is my greatest gift.
Tags: arthritis, challenge, disease, mother, Mother's Day, obstacle, rheumatoid
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Happy Mothers Day!
Thank you RA Guy!
Happy Mother’s Day! I think your positive attitude is something that will go with your boys whereever they are in life.
Such a great post. How did your kids deal with your diagnosis? I know they were all young when you were diagnosed, just wondered if the older one understood. I’ve was dx before becoming mom. In fact, I think it had to a lot to do with my inability to get pregnant and perhaps reason for miscarriage too. Not sure, but thinking the autoimmune response in my body might have had something to do with infertility. BUT! I’m SMITTEN by our two boys, both adopted as babies. They will always know me as a mom who doesn’t run. Sorta makes me sad as I was very active before diagnosis. I ride my bike with the older one and spend time taking nature walks with both. WALK being the operative word. We snuggle a lot and read books. THEY keep me moving, that’s for sure.
You know Kirsten, my oldest son Alex is the reserved type. He really didn’t want to talk about it. He is however very protective of me. Many times I will be struggling with uneven terrain and I will look up and there is his arm waiting for me to grab to steady me. He has always understood that I was hurting and he read some of the literature when I was first diagnosed. I think maybe because my mother has the disease also there was a certain amount of understanding of what it meant to have this disease. I remember that I needed to comfort my middle son a lot in the beginning because he was sure I would look like my mother. (She has a lot of joint damage) I needed to explain to him that when she was diagnosed they didn’t have the treatments that they have now. ( The doctors gave her aspirin to treat it for a very long time) My youngest doesn’t know me before RA and it breaks my heart sometimes when he makes me “Get Well” cards. He still keeps hoping that it will just go away!
Hi Jo-Ann and all. I think this is one of the things I’ve struggled most with, especially with my youngest. I’ve been a mom before and after RA. I was dxn when pregnant with my son, middle child. I coped ok when he was growing so it didnt impact a great deal with either of my 2 older kids until more recently when my hips joined the party & I was dxn with secondary OA.
I hate the fact that I often can’t manage to do the school run both ways, heck some days neither way. I hate that I dont have the energy to do all the things I should be able to do with my kids and most of all I hate the fact that I have to rely to some degree on my 2 older children to help out, with said school runs mainly but they do help around the house to. I know that wont hurt them and it will create independence and compassion, but it doesnt make it any easier or make me feel like less of a burden some days.
Gilly x